California here we come?

Well! California is making headlines, and maybe it's important for me to comment on them. Glorious, sunny, equality supportive California, how I adore your wonderful judges. In short, I'm glad that somebody is standing up and saying "separate but equal isn't equal, we learned that long ago." I'm upset that the majority is still being allowed to decide whether or not the minority should have civil rights. There are many issues involved of course, but i think that our original decision stands: to stand where we live and wait until it is legal for us to get married at home. So we'll have a wedding, and a domestic partnership, and someday with the right federal administration, and the right circumstances, and just simply our rights are being recognized, we will get married, legally here at hom. So, in short, we have no plans to bounce off to Cali to get married, but it sure is tempting.

Our philosophy...

So, while we think it's important to have some traditions, so our union is recognized as such by our friends and family, the nice thing about planning a non-traditional wedding is just that, it's not traditional. Which means we can do whatever the hell we please. We could have dancing elephants in pink tutus (though Bride2 would object on cruelty to animal grounds). We can have white dresses, or black dresses, our attendants can be male, female, somewhere in between. Our bridesmen can wear dresses and our maids wear tuxes, or everyone can just wear their underwear. The glorious thing about this whole thing is it can accurately reflect US and our relationship and not some stuffy traditions handed down to us that have nothing to do with how we feel, what we believe, or how we see our relationship.

Attendants? What attendants?

So, just about the only decision we've made so far is to not have attendants stand up with us. We will be asking the people who would have been our "bridesmaids" to have a meaningful part of our ceremony or reception instead of just standing there looking silly. :) This solves a lot of problems and some not so much problems as inconsistencies. We would have had uneven numbers standing on each of our sides as I tend to have more people I would consider being a part of my wedding than Bride2. Also, we would have to figure out what they could wear, who would stand where, who would be the "of honor" attendants, etc etc etc. And we have guys and girls we would like to honor, so would we do that on each side, or all the guys on one side, etc etc. Not to mention, I feel like the reading given by one of the non-attendants at a recent wedding was more intimate and involved than me standing there in a dress. All in all it will be cheaper for our attendants, and i'm still anti-traditional, in that i think it's unfair to ask your best friends to pay to be in your wedding. We haven't decided on a final list of non-standing attendants, or what their specific jobs will be, but as this totally eliminates bridesmaid dress shopping, I'm delighted with the first decision we've made.

A lot of talk about readiness

I had a bunch of great conversations awhile back, with close friends and also with my future wife, and a lot of it centered around "are we ready?" Bride2 asked me if I was excited about getting married or excited about marrying HER. That's a really tough question.

I was trying to think about it. I think that I would be excited to plan a wedding regardless of who I was marrying, just because planning a big party to celebrate your love and life sounds like fun. However, I've never really wanted a wedding. Since meeting Bride2, a lot of the things I've not really thought about or wanted have fallen into place. I can't imagine thinking about this wedding and planning this wedding with a more perfect partner.

Part of me just wants to be married, skip the wedding part, lets just be married, live together, build a life and future together. And I have to remind myself that we're already doing that, building that life and future now. This is the person i want to build that with. And right now, and for the foreseeable future, I don't see that changing. We just fit too well to give it up.

A good friend from high school and I were talking about soul mates. We kind of agreed that we don't believe in soul mates. It's like, when you find someone good enough, solid enough, caring enough, you grab on, and you make it work. Not because you're soul mates, but because when you're 80 years old and the looks are gone, and the sex is gone, what are you going to have? Hopefully your best friend, sitting next to you, holding your hand, not because there is sex behind it, but because there is companionship and support and knowledge of a life together behind it.

And Bride2's best friend told me, when I worried that I loved Bride2, but how did i know if it was enough, that no one ever knows it's enough. You just make the decision that it's enough to try. So, yes, i'm ready. I'm willing to put in hard work, and make sacrifices (though i might need some help) and be half of a pair.

Feeling validated...

When I say to friends "I'm getting married" or "we're getting married" there is always a moment when I'm sure people will react poorly. Where they'll say something like, "well not really, though" or something like that. And in one instance the response was "where?" Which coming from the person it did, was meant to mean "really? You're not allowed." However, every other time, I'm delighted to say, that my friends have been amazing. With "Oh my god! Congratulations!" and "That's so exciting" and comments such as these. I'm truly blessed by a supportive group of friends who love me, and who love who I choose to love, namely Bride2. Though I know there will be people who react poorly, or make comments, are rude or even mean to us, I think it will be okay, because the good will overshadow the bad reactions.

The lead roles

For ease, i'm going to call myself bride1 and the fiancee, bride2. (It should be noted here, that Bride2 is second only because she is not writing this in first person, and I am. It should in no way be interpreted to mean that she has lesser influence in the plans or decisions of our wedding. I know she was worried about this, so i'm just making sure i don't get in trouble when she reads this. ) I can protect my privacy this way, though the friends and loved ones reading this will guess who is who. :)

I am a college graduate, and grew up here in the lovely State of Washington. I enjoy my life here in a relatively liberal city, Seattle, and find myself thinking in long term, which is good, because Bride2 agrees with me!

Bride2 grew up on the southern east coast, and so, since her transplant has decided to love Seattle as well.

Bride2 and I met through (of all things) craigslist. How I love craigslist. It scares me to think we might not have gone out ever if craigslist hadn't existed. We agree that neither of us felt a great pull toward the other at first, but after our second date (mandated by a policy i had made with a friend, that first dates were useless, and apart from personal safety concerns, everyone deserves a second date) we were both beginning to be hooked. It wasn't until our kiss on our fourth (yes, fourth! In those days we were moving slow) did we realize we wanted to be together for awhile, and it was nearly a month later before we started calling ourselves girlfriends!

The beginning

As many of you know, some time ago, my beautiful girlfriend told me she wanted to marry me, in the middle of a crowded, loud, dance floor. It was informal, spontaneous, and perfect. We agreed that at that time we were not engaged, but now, I'm happy to report, that we are officially engaged. Ring and all.

Sure, we talked about it first, she had to have been pretty sure I would say yes, but still, a brave thing to do since we've only known each other ten months. I love her, absolutely, and still the idea of a "big fat lesbian wedding" makes me really nervous. Probably on three levels:
1. What are people going to say since we've only been together ten months. I don't want to be labeled a "u-haul"
2. Putting aside the question of legality, are we asking for a fight if we want to have a gay wedding? Are people going to be mean to us? Or vendors refuse our business?
3. Forever? you mean forever, like til the end of time? Terrifying. How can I be sure?

Despite these three things, i've said yes. It's made me happy, obsessed, distressed, nervous, exstatic, giggly, distracted, and a hundred other emotions. And that's only the beginning.

Here is my blog to express our wedding plans, give advice to other double-bride weddings, and to help me organize and figure myself out. (And I think, i'm trying to make a statement. These are my emotions, my feelings, my fears, my desires, my rights (as a human being), my distress (at my lack of rights as a US citizen).)

Till next time...